AMA Adds 'Complaining' as Official Vital Sign Providers report hearing complaints before assessing other vital signs After extensive deliberation, the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided to make complaining a vital sign. According to Merriam-Webster, to complain is "to say or write that you are unhappy, sick, uncomfortable, etc., or that you just don't like something." The research that led to Iv Dilaudid the AMA's change demonstrated that 100% of patients (within a margin of error of 0%) meet the criteria for complaining. "The prevalence is astounding," said lead researcher Mike Weber, PhD. "It's amazing we didn't add complaining to the vital sign lexicon before." Healthcare providers report hearing complaining even when they can't assess other vital signs. "Sometime I can't hear any reparations or a heartbeat, but I don't even need a stethoscope to hear the complaining," explained Jodie Marcus, RN. Complaining is even more prevalent than the controversial former fifth vital sign, pain. The data reflect that patients often forget they're in pain, but they never forget to complain. Patients are thrilled with the recent designation. Said cardiothoracic patient Bill Phins with a big smile, "Complaining means I get more Dilaudid." The author, Blayr, is a recovering nurse who's obsessed with comedy and condiments. This post appeared on GomerBlog , a satirical site about healthcare.
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